SuburbaNights Released Today! (Excerpt)

ON SALE NOW!! Remember, too, Dreamspinner Press is offering a great deal:

This is a big deal! From midnight July 11th - that's THIS Wednesday - until midnight July 15th Dreamspinner Press has one hell of a great deal going on in promotion of my newest addition to the Jasper Lane series, SuburbaNights. Order SuburbaNights from the Dreamspinner site and get SubSurdity (Book 1) for free, AND get Suburbilicious(Book 2) for 25% off. It's for those five days only, so if you want it you got  to be ON THE BALL!!


EXCERPT


The Chapter With the Magic Christians

“OH, THAT Terrence! I could just wring his neck!”

Melinda Gold paced furiously back and forth on the deck, her hands clenched tight, as Cassie Bloom listened. It was just the pair of them this afternoon at Cassie’s magnificent home. It was late October, but a warm, glowing day. Both women were dressed casually and comfortably. Cassie had a pair of white-framed sunglasses perched atop her short golden hair. Melinda wore a trendy blue cashmere top.

“Leave it to Terrence to ruin everything! It had all been so perfect until he showed up. The park was lovely, so quiet and peaceful. Things might have even become romantic if given the chance. My date—you remember Mr. Lintrope?—he and I were sitting by the duck pond in a nice secluded spot away from the jogging paths. The flowers and trees and birds decorated the scene for us. And of course, the meal I made last night for our date today was triumphant, if I do say so.”

“Mr. Lintrope?” Cassie interrupted. “The librarian?”

Melinda stopped pacing long enough to give Cassie a warning stare. “Yes, the librarian! There’s nothing wrong with librarians. They’re somewhat respectable, anyway. I think he would have brought some stability back into my life. Not that I’ll ever know now. But he would have been good for me. Sure, there were some of his quirks that I didn’t care for. We’d definitely need to work on the nose hair issue, but….”

She shook her head, regaining control of her narrative. She pinned a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “I made my barbecue chicken. Everyone loves my barbecue chicken. You remember how well it went over at the Fourth of July party. Mr. Lintrope was just about to take a bite when….”


“Terrence.”

“Terrence!” Melinda screamed. “He comes tearing out of the bushes like some carefree heathen, just ripping his clothes off. Just ripping them off and throwing them hither and dither. He didn’t even see us. I nearly went epileptic. Mr. Lintrope looked at me and asked, ‘Isn’t that your friend?’ I hadn’t the time or the ability to respond, Cassie. Terrence was stark raving naked and playing around in the pond like a three-year-old in bathwater, all giggling and singing. Why does he always have to sing? It’s like he’s a member of that damn Sound of Music family. I’d hate to meet the rest of his family, I’ll tell you that!” She crossed her arms and tightened her jaw. “It was only then that he saw Mr. Lintrope and me.”

“Darling, Mr. Lintrope can’t hold you accountable for a friend’s quirks.” Cassie was enjoying this. She was so wrapped up in the story her afternoon cocktail had hardly been sipped from.

“That’s not the end of it. Oh, no. The story continues, Cassie. Oh, does it ever!” Melinda pulled out a chair from the table and sat down with a huff. “Terrence’s frolicking and giggling and singing had been so loud it brought the attention of a group of joggers who were on a nearby path. And who do you think those joggers were, Cassie?”

“I have no idea. This is exciting.”

“None other than Coach… Nipple and his star wrestlers.”

Cassie cackled, clapping her knee. “Imagine that!”

“They thought Terrence was drowning and were coming to his rescue. I can’t blame them. He definitely sounded like a creature in peril. Well, when he saw them and realized what they were thinking, he played right into it. The worm! The wrestlers jumped into the pond, stripping as they dove, and all three of them grabbed hold of our flailing Terrence. When they got him to land, he fainted. He actually fainted… or he pretended to faint so he could be revived. Then he re-fainted two more times. All three wrestlers had to give him mouth-to-mouth. And they were all nearly naked, Cassie! Naked!”

Cassie could say nothing. She could barely sit up straight.

“Well, I’m glad someone sees humor in the situation. The coach looked at me, finally taking notice I was there, and gave me a grin. Like the kind he used to give me after we had… you know. Mr. Lintrope saw that grin. Any handsome man would be intimidated by the coach’s presence. He commands attention. How do you think an average man like Mr. Lintrope felt? After Terrence was dressed and I was left alone again with my date, I asked Mr. Lintrope if we could try this another time, and he said, rather unconvincingly, ‘Sure. I’ll give you a call.’ Can you believe it?” Melinda clenched her fists again. “That Terrence!”

“Indeed. What a treasure,” Cassie said. “And he seems to get on your bad side more than anybody I’ve known.”

Melinda sat back in her chair, as if she was relieved to have told her story and now exhausted.
Cassie reached across the table for her cell phone. Melinda, of course, knew what was coming.
“You can’t even wait a few minutes?” Melinda asked.

“Vera,” Cassie said into the phone, “get over here now. Melinda has just been through an ordeal with that dull-as-bones Mr. Lintrope, and it’s hilarious.”