inspired by Tj Klune
Dear internet blog
you're a time hog
expecting me to write every day
about my exploits as a sexy gay
you want my attention all your own
but now I have a boyfriend to bone
please don't take this the wrong way
but sometimes I just have nothing to say
why do you make me feel guilty so!
my mind is not a library, you know
I am but a man with a man's plan
and plans to have sand in my can-can
you prolly have no idea what that meant
and neither do I
I just say things to pass the time
and take up lines
this poem is fucked up, it's not even keeping form
like my relationship with you, it's as produced as porn
when we first met, dear blog o' mine,
I found you a delightful waste of time
but now, I'm afraid, you've gone too far
making me your bitch, your typing fool star
I can't sit around all day, I'll lose my boyish figure
my skin will go pale and my dick will fail to rigor
(by "rigor" I mean "erection", for those who want to know
an erection is paramount for entering bunghole)
I'm a one-man guy now, and I'm headed for the door
Teej needs me, you see, and you're a big ol' whore.
Have a nice day.
The Internet Blog Writes Back:
ReplyDeleteDear sexy gay boy
I'm not just a decoy
if TJ would join you
we'd all have fun times two
the lurkers would cheer
and grin ear-to-ear
the stalkers would drool
and squee like a fool
by all means, bone away!
but then come back and play
your fans will adore you
P.S. you're a whore, too :-p
Ha! Touche.
DeleteEric, you have brought forth a mighty challenge to TJ's claims of writing the worst poems ever. Huzzah! LOL!
ReplyDeleteLOL. Right?
DeleteJeeze, in a righteous, God fearing country you would be pilloried in the town square where everyone would beat you with copies of Robert Frost's greatest poems for writing something this horrendous. I don't mean in a fun and sexy way either. For that you use the works of ee cummings. You two really are a match made in... well probably the back of a VW van. ;-)
ReplyDeleteWe're just ahead of the time, that's all ;-)
DeleteAs long as you're together! Just make sure to save all your love poems so you can publish them later, like Sonnets from the Portuguese. Just try to avoid the love letter compilation scenario by Abdelard and Heloise... it doesn't end well for either, but it really sucked for Abdelard. So think positive and don't let TJ's family castrate you!
DeleteThere's a great Richard Shindell song that mentions what happened to that poor monk. It's called "Nora."
Deletenicely done - but don't stop blogging; having a bf will energize you. . .or wear you out. win-win either way
ReplyDelete