Wednesday, August 29, 2012
EXCERPT: Galley Proof
To celebrate today's release of the Italian language version of Galley Proof - Solo una bozza (HERE) - here be an excerpt from that very work. An online chat between the two leads, the writer Logan and his editor Brock, on everything from writing Logan's new ancient-themed galley ship romance to which superhero would be best in bed:
Brockkimble: Are you there?
LoganBrand: Yes. I’m on. What’s up?
Brockkimble: We need to make your book more gay.
Brockkimble: Yeah. You heard me. We need to gay it up. It’s early yet, so we have plenty o’ time to fix it.
LoganBrand: Fix what?
Brockkimble: Some of these notes and ideas you sent me… they’re all well and good if you were going to write a buddy film. But this ain’t Butch and Sundance. These guys are supposed to be in love, not BFFs. Take something you know about modern gay culture and transport it to then.
LoganBrand: I’ll be honest, I’m not terribly familiar with what gay culture offers. I’ve not really done a lot.
Brockkimble: For instance?
LoganBrand: I’ve never been to a drag show.
LoganBrand: Don’t yell at me! Yes. Ever.
Brockkimble: What about dancing? Do you go out dancing?
LoganBrand: Absolutely not. Why would I do that?
Brockkimble: You are a gay, right?
LoganBrand: Not every gay man embraces all the clichés. There are plenty of us who are perfectly content to stay at home on Saturday nights.
Brockkimble: That’s a lie!
LoganBrand: It’s true.
Brockkimble: I won’t believe it! I can’t!
LoganBrand: I’m rolling my eyes at you now.
Brockkimble: The next thing you’ll tell me is that you don’t own any Diana Ross CDs!
LoganBrand: Please! If I have to hear “I’m Coming Out” one more time I’m going back in. I prefer Dylan over Diana.
Brockkimble: Downer, party of one. Your table is ready.
LoganBrand: LOL! Fuck off. So, I need to “gay things up,” whatever that means. Fine. Is there anything else, O Mighty Editor?
LoganBrand: Excuse me?!
Brockkimble: Fisting. Have you ever tried it?
LoganBrand: Hell, no! And why?! And have YOU?!
Brockkimble: I attempted it… once. I chickened out at the last minute. It’s on my “to do” list.
LoganBrand: You are absolutely insane! There aren’t enough drugs in the world to make me want to be someone’s hand puppet!
Brockkimble: Calm down, Sphincter Sally! I wasn’t asking if you wanted to do it. I was just thinking that is the kind of rough sex play that might be appropriate for the prisoners on your galley ship.
LoganBrand: Lots of fisting in ancient times, was there? That’s a bit intense.
Brockkimble: Have you not seen Caligula? My point is, you need to dirty it up.
LoganBrand: Gay it up and dirty it up. So, the reading public is now filled with filthy perverts?
Brockkimble: You got it. So shock me, hooker. Make me think the worst of you.
LoganBrand: I don’t want to do that!
Brockkimble: Ah, jeez! I don’t even know who you are anymore!
Brockkimble: Nothing. Just a line from a movie. Quick question. Whose ass would you fuck first: Superman’s or Batman’s?
LoganBrand: Do you have some form of Tourette’s where you ask completely inappropriate questions?
Brockkimble: I’d fuck Batman. Superman has all those superpowers. It’s only logical that he’d have an impenetrable bunghole. I don’t want to break the key trying to get it into the lock, if you get my meaning.
LoganBrand: And who knows if you’d ever get your wang back if you did manage to stick it in there, right?
Brockkimble: Now you’re getting it!
LoganBrand: Have I any other choice?